Having a baby is a huge adjustment. That adjustment second time around isn't quite as overwhelming as the first time, but all the same, motherhood can take over every other aspect of your life for a while.
For some women, that is all they ever wanted, they dreamt of becoming a mum, of breastfeeding, baby massage and moments spent smelling that sweet new-baby smell that babies carry for the first months of life. For others, many of the experiences come as a shock to the system. The constant interupted sleep, the inability to get things done (things that don't relate directly to the baby) and sometimes these changes can be all-consuming.
Back when I had Milo, all the changes came as a heavy weight over me and I didn't know what was going on around me, let alone who I was any more. Days led in to nights and nights led in to days and I didn't really have a clue what was going on in between. I completely lost myself. I stopped having daily showers, sometimes I left the house realising I had forgotten to brush my teeth that morning. I would be walking around with clothes stained with spit-up and I spent many a trip on public transport, staring into space because I was so tired I couldn't think straight any more. I had gone from being a party girl, making the most of the crazy Berlin nightlife, to a single mum with PND and a zombie.
At some point I slowly started to find myself again. I would take super fast showers in the mornings despite Milo's tears, I started to apply a bit of mascara before heading out as it helped me feel like I looked a bit more human and I started to make a little effort at wearing something other than maternity jeans and a vest top. Gradually I found a bit of the old, pre-parenthood Sarah and it felt good.
When I was pregnant with Alfie, I promised myself I wouldn't take so long to make this effort second time around. Two weeks ago, the sun was shining and I was walking through the city boiling hot and I realised I was wearing jeans. This might not sound odd for those who don't know me, but for those who do, they know that I don't wear jeans once the temperature rises above 10 degrees. It was a bit of a kick for me and I realised that I needed to do something about it.
Finding clothes that fit!
Since then I have been making an effort to do those things that make me feel a bit more like Sarah rather then simply a 'mum of 2'. I've been wearing dresses and making the most of the sunshine. I've been dressing up when meeting people, wearing earings again and I've been sewing. Oh how I love to sew. It is good to make some time to do a couple of things that feel very 'me' once more. It sounds all very simple, but nothing is quite as simple with a little baby around. It's worth the extra effort and organisation though. I am me once more.
What makes you feel like 'you'?
Did you go through similar feelings of losing yourself after having your baby or did having a baby simply change what was 'normal' for you?
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