Am I a labour-sadomasochist?

 In labour first time around: me after far too many hours of labour

I've learnt recently that there may well be some sort of bazaar sadomasochistic side to me when it comes to labour. I hope I am not inviting numerous people on to my blog looking for other aspects of the this term as they will surely be disappointed. Seriously people. This is a post about birth, not alternative sexual practises!

So, back to my point. It is most likely that I will be giving birth at some point in the next month, being that my due date is just under 3 weeks away. As it is my second labour, I of course have more than an inkling of what is to come. I know some people find the whole birth experience enthralling and magical, something akin to getting fully in touch with nature, but I found it painful, frustrating and frankly terrifying.

A lot of people say that second time around it is in some ways even more scary because you know the harsh realities of what is to come and have lost some of that naivety which helps you pre-labour first time round. For me it has oddly been the complete opposite. I feel that I probably should be terrified, but strangely I'm not. Somehow this second pregnancy has helped me in many ways to come terms with what I went through the first time. For a long time after Milo's birth I felt angry. I felt robbed of that magical moment in which you hold your child for the first time and rejoice. I felt no feeling of joy whatsoever, I just wanted to hand him back. I built up a lot of resentment about this and actually felt a form of loss. It was something that in an odd way I had to grieve. Now, knowing I will be doing it all over again, I feel that I have a second opportunity. Of course, this is labour we are talking about, there is little way of knowing what is actually going to happen, but I feel like I will be entering that labour room with totally different eyes and I feel secure in that knowledge.

For this reason I have absolutely no problem with watching labours on TV and in film whether real or acted. It doesn't freak me out one bit. In fact, I feel it gives me even more strength for what's to come. Seeing how different women have different experiences fascinates me and there is something just thrilling about it all to me. Does this make me a labour-sadomasochist?! I don't know. A number of my friends who are also pregnant think I am insane for watching women grunting and screaming their way through childbirth. I don't blame them for not wanting to watch themselves, but for me, it's just the same as reading all those books about babies, child-rearing and 'what to expect', only a lot more graphic. I don't like to be pandered too. I don't want unrealistic expectations. I like to know the cold, hard facts and then see what happens from there. Maybe in around 3 weeks time, or whenever this little boy decides to join us, I will think back to some of those women I've watched and go 'ah yes, I remember how she dealt with this part' or 'at least I am not screaming like that woman did' or more likely 'how did that woman get a baby out of her so calmly?!!!!!'.

For any of you who, like me, find childbirth oddly fascinating to watch, check out this trailer for the fabulous British show on Channel 4 that just started again on Wednesday 'One Born Every Minute'. I love it! For those of you who fear childbirth, perhaps give it a miss!

One Born Every Minute is back



Could you or do you watch programmes like this whilst pregnant or would it freak you out? How do you cope with the impending worry of what's to come or do you feel calm about it? For the men who read my blog, I'd be interested to know your viewpoint on it too!

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