Milo has been in need of new slippers for nursery (the kids at Milo's Kita/nursery/daycare all have to wear them) for a little while now, so Thursday Alfie, Milo and I headed to the local Deichmann to get a new pair. From pick up at nursery, to waiting in the queue at the post office, to looking for slippers at the shop, Milo was so well behaved and such a darling that when he saw a few cheap toys hanging in the shop and asked for one I said ''yes'' for once. His choice from the selection was a 'My Little Pony', the one pictured above. I have a feeling this choice was heavily influenced from the advert for 'My Little Pony' that we'd seen two days in a row on TV in the morning. I am even more sure about this as Milo has named the pony Barbie. Yep Barbie! The other advert we'd seen on those two morning was for Barbie of course and so I think Milo mixed up his brands a little. It happens.
Now, I have previously written about my belief that all toys should be considered unisex. Whilst there may be some parents who are uncomfortable at the thought of their boys pushing a doll's pram or their girls playing with a football, I am not one of them. As a child I did have 'Barbie's' and I did have my own 'My Little Pony' toys but I much preferred to play with my brother's 'Transformers' and I loved my Lego pirate ship and Robin Hood people as much as I loved my Sylvanian Family collection.
Nowadays, my heart drops a little every time I walk in to a shop and it has clearly separated displays shouting ''boys toys'' and ''girls toys''! Why should a shop feel the need to tell me what toys are appropriate for my boy? This is why I am happy to buy my boy a toy that is highly aimed towards girls without a second thought.
The following morning Milo told me he wanted to take his 'Barbie' (the pony remember!) to nursery so that he could show it to his best friend. Why not? I thought, so along came 'Barbie' the pony and Milo's Spiderman car that he'd decided to bring as his toy of choice for his nursery's toy day (when each child can bring one toy from home). I could see how proud Milo was to show his best mate his new pony toy and then, his friend uttered some words that really stung me. ''But that's a girls toy!!!'' he yelled. I quickly interjected and said that boys can play with them too but I suddenly felt bad for Milo. Luckily he didn't seem too perturbed by the incident but all the way home I was thinking to myself; am I setting my boy up to be openly disparaged by encouraging his openness to stereotypical 'girls toys'? Is my agenda to stop this ridiculous branding of toys going to cause my son ridicule? It kept whirling around my head and I wasn't sure what the answer was.
Then, in the afternoon I went to pick Milo up from nursery to take him to his sports activity with his friend. I decided to bring along his little pony despite what had occurred that morning and to just go with it. Still a little unsure, I pulled it out of my bag and saw the delight on Milo's face as I did so. Then, to my surprise, his best mate grabbed the pony and started happily galloping it through the air. Aha! Not just a girls toy afterall!
If, like me, you are frustrated with the way brands and retailers are attempting to separate toys for the different sexes, why not check out Pinkstinks UK or Pinkstinks Germany and join the fight for the gender-neutral branding of toys!
What do you think about this subject? Does your boy or girl like toys that are generally stereotyped to the other sex?
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It's a tough one. While I agree that children should play with whatever they wish, and certainly Hamish can dress up in princess dresses or whatever he chooses, I kind of feel I have to be guiding things outside of the home. Home is a safe environment where you can be whoever you want to be, but I also don't want to set either of my children up for ridicule or as a target for bullying, or even just make them feel like they are 'different' from the rest of their peers. I'm not sure if I am thinking about this as purely a gender-specific thing in relation to the toys though. School can be a tough place, and certainly in the UK (where I feel this more acutely) it seems important that they 'fit in' (especially as they are new) and this can be in all sorts of things, from the clothes they wear (for the Christmas party I dressed Hamish as I would in Berlin and he came home upset because the other children (age 4) told him he "wasn't party enough") to the toys that they have.
ReplyDeleteSorry, that's going slightly off at a tangent!
I absolutely agree about the way things suddenly change once they get to school age. I know however that in all likelihood, come a years time, Milo wouldn't even take a second glance at a 'My Little Pony' so embracing this openness before he gets bogged down by stereotype.
Deletenope, totally with you on this. Although I think for a girl to be a tomboy is easier than the other way round (it shouldn't be!). Amelie's favourite toys at the moment are her collection of cars (which she crashes and gets speeding tickets for) and her Duplo. She also loves her princess tent - of course!
ReplyDeleteI think the more parents that don't pay any mind to whether a toy is for girls or boys the better. You're teaching Milo (and his friends) tolerance, open mindedness and creativity - good for you!
Yes, it's definitely easier on girls than boys. Sounds like Amelie is open to both which is fab!
DeleteWhat a great topic :-)
ReplyDeleteI have a 5 year old who is obsessed with blue and trains and dinosaurs, and also happens to be a girl who likes wearing skirts and lip gloss.
It's tricky to maintain the easy going 'play with whatever you want' attitude once they hit school though, because they become more aware of being different.
Emily still loves all things blue, but as she progresses through the school system I do see her being less open about wearing a dinosaur shirt to school, whilst still choosing her train pj's to wear at home. I also go out of my way to find more 'girly' things that are blue, so she continues to feel ok about being less typical than a lot of girls her age.
Interestingly enough we have a local boy come over for lunch once a week, and he often heads straight for the dolls or teddy bears to play with. The girls fully encourage this as it means they can still play their favorite games, and his Mum feels it is important that he can play with whatever he chooses without judgement or ridicule.
I think that as parents if we are open and relaxed about toys, clothing, etc. then our children will grow up to to be accepting and non judgmental, as well as feeling proud of making their own choices and not always following the herd.
That's the theory anyway...
That's really sad that your daughter feels that she has to keep her love of blue out of her more 'public' life but I completely get a childs' need to 'fit in'. I think that's inherant in most children. I'm glad she's still exploring her love of blue at home though.
DeleteYes what a great topic. In some toy shops and catalogues it is as if we were stuck in the 1950s. When it comes to little figurines that showcase professions, it's particularly striking / infuriating. Girls are portayed doing girl jobs and can at best be veterenarians, never computer specialists.
ReplyDeleteI don't yet have to deal with this issue of "fitting in" as my boy was only recently born -- but from my own childhood I can say that it did me a world of good that my parents were not afraid that I was different. Yes I was at times rather badly bullied - but my parents always backed me up, and talked about it with me. I know they were at pains to make sure I wasn't too sensitive for such battles -- had they detected it was too much of a burden they would have stopped it. But it wasn't. And I am a much stronger personality today for it. I never had a problem steering my own course -- be that with boys, or in the workplace. I often drew on those early experiences that being different from the crowd is not something one should fear.
What I do fear is a rift between the "at home" and "at school" (or office etc). I would hope my child grows up to be truly free. A huge split between what is acceptable at home and in public is a signifier of dictatorships after all, and I am speaking from experience (I grew up in East Germany).
I so agree with Fiona that these questions have a lot to do with whether a child will learn to feel proud of making their own choices, and be accepting of others.
Now let's wait how I handle this when my kid goes to Kita. Meanwhile, hurray to Milo + his pony!
It's good to hear from someone who did things a little differently and got through the other side unscathed generally. I agree that having support from someone important to them, in your case your parents, is a big factor.
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